


Organ Trail fic

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-23
Updated: 2011-08-23
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://www.hatsproductions.com/OrganTrail.swf">This game</a>, if you haven’t found it on your own yet.  It’s rather fun, and I don’t even play games.  There are zombies.<br/>Anyway, join Knubbler as he leads Dr. Rockso, Twinkletits, Vater Orlaag, and Edgar Jomfru across the country.  I played side characters instead of Dethklok because I knew they would all die.<br/>Warning: They all die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Organ Trail fic

The Red Cross shelter sucked.   
Authorities warned everyone to stay close and that they were working on a cure, but Dick Knubbler knew bullshit when he heard it. They didn’t call him “Magic Ears” for nothing, after all.  
He’d found an old station wagon that nobody else seemed aware of, and had slowly stocked it with piles of supplies.

It would be safer not to travel alone, but he didn’t want to pick random strangers either. Dethklok, Offdensen, and most of their employees were safe on floating Mordhaus, so he didn’t have much to choose from. John Twinkletits had been following him around for days, He was sick of the man but his cyborg arms might make him slightly zombie proof.

Dr. Rockso had showed up a couple days ago, a freaked out pathetic mess. _Everyone_ was avoiding the guy, but he was loud and colorful, therefore he might make good bait. With a resigned sigh, Knubbler made his way to the clown.  
“Rockso Baby, we’re leaving tomorrow and I’d like you to come along, yeah.”  
“You want Dr. R-R-Rockso? K-k-k-yeah!”

Moving on, he spotted a familiar shaggy form. Vater Orlaag was in the corner, looking completely out of place. The man was practically a zombie on his best days, Knubbler was surprised that no one had shot him just out of principal. But he was good at strategy and weapons, so he could come in handy.  
Orlaag watched him approach. “Yes, I’ll come with you.”  
Well that was easy. With a confused nod, Knubbler went on. There was still room for one more.

He came across Edgar Jomfru, hunched over an iPhone or something. If there was any technology left, he might be useful. If there wasn’t, he’d be good bait because he couldn’t even run away. Cold, yes, but there were cold times. Knubbler closed in.  
“Edgar, nice to see you here! You should come with us when we leave tomorrow, yeah!”  
“Sure.” He didn’t even look up.

****

And so the next morning they set off nice and early. Knubbler drove, Orlaag rode shotgun (with a shotgun) , Edgar sat in the middle of the back seat, and Rockso and Twinkletits got the windows.  
They set out westward, having no real destination.

Twinkletits thought coming down with typhoid would be a great way to start the trip.  
“Dick, I need medicine! I’m a doctor, I know these things!”  
Knubbler shook hie head. “How the fuck did you get typhoid so fast? If you’re that weak maybe it’s better if you just die now, we’d have more food then, yeah.”  
“But I’m sick!”  
“YOU WILL WAIT!” Orlaag shrugged, “Hey, it’s a good line.”

Sure enough, Twinkletits made a full recovery as they journeyed on. A few minor repairs to the vehicle was all they’d needed to really stop for.  
But there was no time to celebrate, because Edgar promptly got dysentery. Again, Knubbler and Orlaag refused to waste precious medical supplies on him.  
Besides, there was a horde of zombies just ahead.

They debated just pushing Edgar out, but he insisted that he was suddenly feeling MUCH better.  
The zombies didn’t seem particularly alert, so Knubbler decided to try to just weave through them.   
It worked. It probably helped a lot the car stunk from the recently ill occupants, it was a stench similar to death.  
Leaving the zombie-infested town behind, they turned off the main road and continued on.

They found a grove of fruit trees, and stopped to collect what fruit they could find.  
Then Twinkletits, not satisfied with what he could gather off the ground, climbed a tree. He should have remembered that he didn’t have hands, because he fell out and somehow broke his leg.  
Again, he was refused treatment, he could just pay for his stupidity the old fashioned way. But now they had two party members who couldn’t walk.  
Under these circumstances, Rockso wasn’t looking too bad anymore.

At a rest stop, Twinkletits was bitten by a zombie. Enough was enough, so Knubbler just shot him and they went on their way.  
Edgar should have stayed in the middle of the seat, because he was bitten soon after. Since the fucker couldn’t even walk and didn’t seem to be much of a threat, Knubbler let him live for the moment.  
Edgar repaid his kindness by promptly coming down with dysentery _again_. He recovered from that just as quickly as before, but since he was infected with the zombie virus, Knubbler gave up and shot him anyway.

****

Down the road, the back hatch suddenly flew open. One of them must not have closed it properly. One of their few precious gas cans fell, and Rockso made a heroic grab for it.  
Unfortunately he missed the can, and also fell out of the car and broke his arm.   
They stopped, collected Rockso and the now mostly empty gas can, and hurried on their way. There was a large zombie horde ahead, and this bunch looked pretty alert.

Knubbler had to drive, and Rockso had only one good arm. That left only Orlaag to shoot at zombies, which wasn’t the best of plans. They decided to try waiting them out.  
An hour later, nothing had changed. In fact the zombies seemed even more restless.  
Orlaag cocked the shotgun. Knubbler’s eyes glowed red and he floored the pedal. The plowed into the horde, and somehow made it to the other side intact.

Well, mostly. A zombie had somehow grabbed some of their cash. This made no sense, but also might be a problem down the road if they needed to buy more things. So far, they still had money but there was a long way left to go.  
And they still had no real idea where they were headed. After wandering west for a while they’d turned south. Less populated areas meant less zombies, but they still hadn’t found anywhere without any at all.

Then Rockso got the measles. He wasn’t being very useful, so they again voted to let him suffer. When his condition worsened though, Knubbler relented and medicated him. He was the only good bait they had left, they might need him. If it came down to just him and Orlaag, Knubbler wasn’t so sure of his chances. He didn’t trust that guy.  
They experienced more car and weather trouble, but continued on their way. The cities were few and far in between now.

****

Then a zombie somehow managed to bite Orlaag, but Knubbler decided to let him live. The man’s natural state seemed to be half-zombie, maybe he could fight it off or something. Besides, he could always shoot him later if it came to that.  
Rockso got the measles again, despite them explaining that it was something you couldn’t catch twice. Stupid clown, apparently all those drugs had fucked up his immune system or something.  
Still, they needed the bait.

While fighting a couple zombies at a rest stop, Orlaag had his arm broken and also ended up being bitten again.   
Knubbler was feeling very healthy in comparison to these two. Well, two zombie bites were no worse than one, and he was pretty sure the guy could still shoot one handed.  
They fed the clown more meds, and he recovered. Knubbler was starting to thing he was faking his illnesses to get drugs.  
That seemed pretty likely.

****

Things weren’t looking good though, supplies were running low and Knubbler was regretting not stopping back in Dallas. He was watching the gas gauge, hoping they had enough to make it to the next point.  
Orlaag was showing signs of the zombie virus now, but there was no time to worry about him.  
Rockso, after a long nap, seemed perfectly fine now. In fact he was even eating something.  
Wait-

“Are you _eating_?!”  
“K-k-k-yeah?”  
Knubbler took stock. Orlaag was down now, they should probably just stop and push him out or something. But the gas was so low... he’d be running on fumes soon and they were probably still an hour away. “How much food is left?”  
“K-k-k-none? DR. ROCKSO’S K-K-SORRY!”

And then the engine died, the gas was gone.  
Zombies came out of the fields, surrounding the car. Knubbler knew he could shoot a few, but what was the point? They had no food, no gas, and they were miles from anywhere that might possibly be safe.  
Fuck this.  
Taking in the zombies beating the windows, the unconscious Orlaag, and the blubbering clown, Knubbler made his decision.

He put his gun to his head.  
Let the other two get eaten alive, he didn’t care, but this was the end of the road for him.  
And he was going to die _uninfected_. “It’s been a good run, yeah Baby.”  
He pulled the trigger.


End file.
